[PEH Collection, uncatalogued]
Found in PEH Transcription Collection
27th August, 1892
My darling Father,
I don’t know how to begin to write to you. I did not see the letter that Mother sent you last Saturday, but she told you that Mr. Stanhope had asked me to marry him, & that I did not say ‘No’, though of course nothing was final until you had heard about it and said whether you could allow such a thing. Now I feel that I did wrong in encouraging Mr. Stanhope after he had spoken to me & before he left for England. And this has made me very miserable & worse still I have given a great deal of trouble to dear Mother. She has been very good to me but naturally she despises my conduct as I do myself. I never thought that I could have behaved so. She cannot understand what I mean and I cannot understand myself all I know is that I have been very unhappy for the last week.
Dear Father I don’ think you can make head or tail of this letter & I feel I deserve your displeasure but do try to forgive me and help me if you can. I have never felt that I wanted you so much before. There is no one to blame, but myself entirely. Of course I do not know if you have answered Mr. Stanhope’s letter to you, or what you may have said. I did not actually promise to marry him, but when I knew that he wanted it to be so, I ought not to have let him think I really liked him unless I was quite quite decided. I did not want to be married, I love being here with you all & though you may think that I am discontented, I am not – & I don’t believe any one has ever had a happier house & life than I have. After Mr. Stanhope had left I thought of writing & telling him all this & making an end of it regardless of what he might think of me, but dear Mother advised me not to do so & now I am very glad that I did not, as in any case it is better to wait & I think shows more regard for his feelings I have shewn what I have written to mother.
I am not happy about what took place between us, that I am so afraid I made a mistake in thinking I loved him enough to marry him. After he had gone I was so frightened of being bound to him as I seemed to know so little of him & it would be so awful if in learning to know him I liked him less instead of better….
[end of letter]
Back to 1892 Correspondence
This collection of letters has been digitized from an earlier transcription project and is for informational purposes only. This transcription has not been verified against the originals. Researchers interested in these letters should consult the original documents housed at the BC Archives.